A Moment of Anxiety

It is only when you talk with the cool mind, you set the things right. Your anger will take the true people away from you. Words are like the arrow from bow. Once released can never be brought back.

All my efforts of settling the things between us, right, turned out to be futile through the social networks. I reinstated the same thing over and over again, apologized too, though it wasn’t my mistake while chatting but she turned the deaf ear to it. Moreover, she derived another sense out of my messages and rebuked me continuously. I could do nothing but listen. I tried to call her to talk in a better way but she ignored that too and when she picked up, she hanged the call by saying a single sentence – ‘Please, don’t bother me’. With no way out, I made the last effort. The only option left with me was to meet her face to face and reach on a common conclusion. Except this, I was left with no choice but to let her go and let myself suffer. Also, you can’t force someone to make things right against their desire. All you can do is to make efforts so that if at some point in future you feel about the person, you can admit that I did my best to stay with her but she chose the opposite. 

With similar intentions, I typed a message, deleted it, and then typed it again. 

“Hey!                                         

I know the things between us went in the wrong way. So why don’t we meet and discuss and clear our doubts about each other over a cup of coffee? It’ll good to give another chance to our friendship. I’ll be waiting for you near the college entrance gate at 6 PM sharp. I’ll be there for half an hour so you can come between those times you feel free“.

I waited for about 5 minutes until I finally tapped the ‘Send’ button. I became anxious after sending her the message as what her reply could be. I could feel the several hormonal changes in me, prompting me to open the app frequently to check the status of my message. It wasn’t very long when the tick mark changed its colour to blue but there wasn’t any reply. Well, she chose to ignore the message and I was left restless till evening. If she could have replied with any Yes or No, things would have been a lot easier. But she didn’t. The expectation is a very cunning thing, you know. It can make you do the things which you have never done otherwise. I also had the expectations that she would definitely come and hence, I decided to give another half an hour of my life to this friend of mine. 

I was at the destined place at 5:50 PM to assure you that I shouldn’t miss her. Also, I didn’t want any complaint from her this time. My mind and heart were engaged in the debate in which my body suffered. Mind said that she won’t come, don’t waste another hour of your life whereas the heart said that she would come as who wouldn’t want to give their 15 minutes to hold back a true friend. The debate grew fierce with the time, which put pressure on my body to release more adrenaline and as a result, I was more anxious as ever. After 6:05 PM, I fixed my gaze toward the path which lead to her hostel in the hope to see her on the path now, coming toward me. But it turned out like illusion for me, like the mirage on the road and desert. A couple of girls walked on those paths from time to time. I took them for her but when they came in sight, I realized that it was my illusion only. Time doesn’t pass as it used to, at such times. Every minute seemed like comprising of 300 seconds. I had no choice but to wait as I had to uphold my promise at any cost. Some juniors from my class passed beside me and asked- what I was doing there. I replied wearing a fake smile on my face that I was waiting for someone special. They took it for joke but It was only I who knew what waiting would look like, at that moment. I took out a piece of paper and a pen from my pocket and started scribbling some lines on it. 

For some more time

For few more moments

We travel this far

Knowing

One day

This all would be lost

Turning you and me

A Stranger

From where we began! 

I wanted to add more lines to it but I couldn’t. Something choked me. It was the time, perhaps. Only 5 minutes left to half-past six and she was nowhere. Suddenly, everything around me seemed to mock me. They made fun of me. ‘See a fool standing there waiting for someone who was never his’. The comments like this echoed in my ear. I wanted to move out of it but I couldn’t as there was still 5 minutes left. I wished for her to come so that I can mock at them who mocked at me that- See, Nothing is purer than the true friendship. 

With every minute passed, I could see them winning, those who were mocking at me. I could see them guffawing at me. I could see my mind winning in the debate as the poor heart ran out of the argument. At last, the time came to be over. The minute hand passed the 6 and the winner was declared. I wanted to hide somewhere but couldn’t take any step forward. It appeared that the ground had clutched my feet, to be more precise my expectations. Were I still expecting her to come? I didn’t know and I didn’t want to know. I sat on the bench beside where I was waiting. It broke me from inside. Everything became tasteless, nature, the birds which chirped as I couldn’t find any newness in them unlike earlier. I doubted my own existence. Did I become so bad to her so that she didn’t consider it worth to give 15 minutes of time to save the friendship? This question occupied the larger part of my mind for the next half an hour. I couldn’t find the answer. What I found was the series of flashback in front of my eyes. 

I lifted myself up supported by the arm of the bench and turned round to go back to my room with head down. I barely took 4-5 steps when I saw the shadow of a girl obstructing my path. I raised my head to see the source of the object casting the shadow. For a moment, I couldn’t believe in my eyes her presence. I rubbed my eyes twice to make sure that she was approaching me. My heart started beating fast as something acted as a catalyst to it. She came directly to me, stood close as possible and said;

Do you think only you know all the tricks? I was just testing that how long in life you can wait for me! 

With that, she grabbed my hand in hers and we walked leisurely toward the coffee shop!