‘It was her choice, not mine’

Hey, you know she is different from other girls.

I exclaimed one day while sitting alone on the terrace of 7^th floor of a tall building. The clock hasn’t been reluctant showing the intensity of darkness which is growing with every minute passed and it appears that it has stopped at 11 PM with my thought stagnant  to her and unable to stir. Only the air betrayed me by becoming wild and constantly trying to shift my attention toward itself but as I said, she was different from other girls, I remained glued to her thought. I was trying to locate her in the buildings out there some tall, some small, some wide and some long with the light equivalent to candle diffracting from every window making a micro difference except only providing a beautiful scenic view for the viewers like me. It becomes a source of ecstasy when you take a glance of it while thinking about someone – who is very close to your heart.

To me, she appears like she came from some alien planet where only fun was prevalent. She knew no seriousness, no confusion, no tension, no blushing. You can’t flatter to her otherwise you’ll get caught badly and can land yourself in very embarrassing condition. This shows her intelligence. Also. Even while chatting, when she sends  emoji of smiling/laughing I can visualise her face on screen as if she ping me a video call.(I smiled as I thought). Within few days of talk she occupied a place in my life which I think is now indispensible for my survival. Thinking about her whatever scant memory I had with her was my favourite timepass. She or to be more precise ‘her thought’ is the resurrection of mind when I felt low. A single message from her side was enough to relieve the stress of whole day and waiting patiently for that single message is then a challenge for me and strangest feeling ever. I would engage myself in other works whereas the mind constantly eyeing toward cellphone for message.

“But we don’t talk anymore”.

( All of sudden my smiling face has been replaced with a grave one)

Why? did you offend her? You must have done something which might have hurt her(first insight)

I don’t know the reason but I admit-

I never proposed her. I never told her to go my way. I never kissed or hugged her. More importantly I never met her in personal.

I have never given her a reason to hate me and she also couldn’t find a single reason to love me. Why? Because I never expressed.

Isn’t it that action speaks louder than voice? I think she is not intelligent enough to understand that.

Anyway the only reason I could figure out is that She decided to attain stability with someone else and who not? Everybody in this world wants to be stable. In this state, everybody needs someone to hold the hands and say – I am here for you everytime, anytime.

It’s a wish and wishes aren’t meant to be fulfilled everytime otherwise wishes will lose their importance and what one has gained without hard labour in life- Nothing! You have to endeavour to get what you like. But how long will you go trying? Until you realize that endeavouring in this direction is worthless.

That dreary night- I asked myself. ‘Friendship’ is all you wanted with her.  A girl can have many friends. You can still become one or maybe best friends.

True. I don’t have problem with that. But have you ever seen a ‘One way trade flourishing ever’.it is destined to be doomed soon. Didn’t understand? Let me elaborate.

Interest  is what matter the most. What a young Guy wants? Not always love. Sometimes a little care and Isn’t one of the definition of friendship is caring. Its been week, I haven’t messaged her. Not to check whether she miss me or more better – remembers, rather I was assured. So Friendship isn’t possible.

Anything else? Which is possible between us?

I don’t think so.

You can hate her?

For what reason? Because she chose someone else over me. Not Absolutely. I can’t hate her even because this is not the reason enough. “The choice was hers, who I am to influence her.it is different thing that I wasn’t the choice.

In actual , she also doesn’t gave me a reason to hate her. She talked to me and when she preconceived  that this guy is expecting more than friendship, she started ignoring me and that’s I think the best way to end a friendship as well. The friendship to them is very different thing. Either you occupy a place in their heart or nowhere if you like her. Believe me you will be stranger to her one day if you have ever dared to like her and you failed.

Initially, I died for one glance of her which was seldom fulfilled and now facing her is unbearable. However, even if I couldn’t see her for few days – I become quite agitated. Where and how can be she? Is there any problem? And several other questions which I can’t ask her now- because we don’t talk.

These question form in my mind and disappears as bubbles in froth.

I do care her but I stop pretending because love may die but feelings can’t be.

Now I have made myself enough strong to pass her with a smiling face, stating ‘Everything is Okay’ ..which we both know that the smile is hoax.

What can you do except ‘To pray for the happiness of the person you once liked’.

Let her be her and you be you!!