Storytelling- “2am with her”

The night had been dark if the rays of moon hadn’t peeped through the windows and illuminate a couple of corners of the room. I couldn’t exactly figure out when I woke up, sandwiched between the blanket and the bed. I could feel the sweat on my forehead and reached out for my cellphone, fumbling. It showed 2’o clock. I was not surprised as It was  the third continous time when the sleep betrayed me somewhere in between. It didn’t matter much whether my eyes were closed or open, I could see only a familiar face with some questions plaguing my mind whose answers I was trying hard to find in every nook and corner. After numerous unsuccessful attempt, I used to take rest for a few moments and then start again with new hope.

The duel between mind and heart was becoming fierce day by day. Mind said that don’t remember her, you have to forget at any cost and the innocent heart was keen on repeating, Whatever might have happened between us, after all, the memories are good. I could hear the tik-tik of the clock and even in that darkness, I could say with 99% accuracy that the time must be quarter to 2. The moon and the clouds were absorbed in the ‘hide and seek’ game. Due to this agile nature of them, I was also sentenced in the cheerful memories of the past.

I don’t know what she used to see in my eyes. Once while sitting together, she stretched her hand to my shoulder and said”, Your eyes are different, very unique- neither blue nor black. At that moment, I swear, if she had asked, I would have put a part of my heart in her hand. I too used to stare directly in her eyes after removing my ‘power-implanted framed’ goggles to deduce the meaning which her eyes wanted to convey. In that process, our faces come close to each other, making symmetry, every sense organ becoming collinear. The lips stop at a certain distance, so close that we can feel the breath, the breath which had become heavy till then. At that time, she used to say, half giggling – We are just friends. With that, she used to pinch my nose with her thumb and forefinger, saying – your nose, how small it is? I didn’t have any answer for this rather declare her victory.

She used to admit that she is brave but while walking on the road, sometimes when the car passes beside her at a great speed, she used to entangle my fingers with both her hand briskly. The very next moment, I used to exchange the sides i.e to take the side facing the road. Her oxymoronic question reaches my ear within a few seconds of this act of mine- Why have you done that?

If something happens to you, have you ever thought how will I live! I wasn’t reluctant, to tell the truth.

“Pagal” she used to say, not a word beyond that rather prefer to smile.

Someday we used to sit facing the moon at the time between the evening and the night. Once she said glancing at the moon”, Look, how beautiful the moon is and how serene are its rays! Why don’t you capture it with your DSLR? followed by a frowning look. Some voices emanate from my heart. My face turned toward her and I said in a low voice which stuck in my throat before coming to lip, “I have captured my moon in my heart, a camera is a mere trifle“. Perhaps, I knew that she won’t understand this. Hence, I changed my statement and said”, Of course, someday!

At every departure time of ours, I used to ask”, when we’ll meet next?

“Jab Kismat me hoga to“, She used to say with a bit seriousness and my reply was “, Kismat me to milna kabhi bhi nhi hai!

We both were unsure whether this statement carried any meaning beyond the literal one.

The noise of dogs barking broke my reverie. I rose from my half asleep phase. Again a chance to look at my cellphone or to escape from this hard phase. 2:50 am. Thirty-five minutes had passed in weaving the threads of the past. The game of hide and seek by clouds and moon came to a halt. The sky had wrapped itself in the blanket of darkness, didn’t know who won the game. For one more time, I wanted to conclude the story before the dawn in the hope of beginning a new one to which I failed miserably.

I didn’t know what was in her mind that day. We have quarrelled before than this many times but all were sorted out. Even God wanted something different that day as our arguments took a strange turn which didn’t come on the track, neither she wanted. I agree that in my emotions, I have said something much but the meaning she deduced was beyond my imaginations.

The very next day, we were sitting under the lap of the open sky in the evening without looking at each other and uttering a single word. She broke the silence and said”, The conversation had reached beyond the limit, the situation had been beyond the control. Nothing is going to get better. Let’s end this now!

I stared at her as if some arrow had been shot from a bow which pierced directly in my heart. I had never seen such a version of her. She rose from the seat and gestured to depart by asking – Do you have to say something?

I wanted to say a ton but not a word came from my mouth. It appeared that my throat had been choked by someone. I gestured her that she can go and she too promptly followed my advice. It seemed that she was eager and in haste to let go everything off.

Time – 3:30 am, I get to know somehow. I became sure that in that hide and seek game of clouds and the moon, clouds were victorious. Its constant changing nature from time to time hadn’t gone.

As similar to every time, this time also, I forgave her for her mistakes but I don’t know why I can’t forgive myself from the moment I came to know that

“She has got one other guy who is very close to her heart and her home” 

All I feared was the lie and this is what I got all the time.

-Shashank